An Applebee’s gift card…

Why not just punch somebody in the face instead?

The Storybook Writ Large

In honor of (and a great deal of skepticism about) the upcoming release of the Where the Wild Things Are movie, here is a look at cinematic versions of other children’s classics:

Goodnight Moon: The Movie
with Meryl Streep as the quiet old lady whispering hush

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?: The Movie
in which Brown Bear goes to great lengths to get everyone to stop staring at him

Moo, Baa, La La La: The Movie
starring The Jonas Brothers as the three singing pigs

Hop on Pop: The Movie
Discover the traumatic roots of Pop’s quick temper

Have You Seen My Duckling?: The Movie
“Don’t mess with this mama. She’s got a fowl temper”

Spirituality: A Chart

Mistakes in evolution, or unintelligent design

1. Migrating eyes (eg, flounder)
2. The snake-neck turtle
3. Jerks
4. The star-nosed mole

And an honorable mention for the “adorably ill-suited to their habitat” category:
5. Tree kangaroos

Food semantics

In praise of enormousness

“Once in their lives, everyone should have a bed-sized cake.”
-Oona

Animals that are assholes

1. Lions
2. People
3. Dr. Phil
4. Mosquitos